Thinking about that win gets you excited about the next time you’ll play. Let’s say, you love to play soccer, tennis, or ping-pong. It makes us feel utterly present.ĭon’t know what I mean? Think about a favorite activity. It breeds hope and possibilities for the future.
It’s activated by the pains and pleasures of our complicated pasts.
Flirtation, longing, and anticipation all play within our mind’s eye. Really, it’s an erotic dilemma. Contrary to what we are taught, eroticism isn’t purely sexual it is sexuality transformed and socialized by the human imagination. We tend to think of these as sexual issues. Sometimes we’re “not in the mood ” other times we wonder if we’ve lost what once made us desirable to our partners. A minor annoyance or a major impasse can both be catalysts for shutting down sexually. We get stuck in ruts and disconnect from our imaginations. We would love to experience new things with our partners but we can be afraid to invite ourselves or them. Many of us, when it comes to sexuality, tend to do what we think we should do rather than what we’d like to be doing (and this is not just a statement about women). We don’t know why it is so difficult to sustain desire, and we want to want. At a time in the western world, when we often have premarital sex as a given, contraception in hand, and the permission for sexual connection and pleasure at home, desire seems to be flatlining.
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